What if I were God?

I strive to be a really good mom. And a great wife. I’m a coach and I work hard to be good at that.

These three roles are what I give the most to, and they give me the most in return. My deepest desires are met in these places: I receive and give love, nurturance, guidance, respect. I create safety for people to grow.

But I secretly wish I could be a healer. As in, lay my hands on a wounded body or psyche, and use my mental/spiritual powers to make people better, in whatever way they need it most. I want these powers, yes, because they’d be cool, but also because they’d allow me to understand something of the “beyond.” I want to know more.

And, what if I did? What if I could know something extrasensory and beyond the limits of what life ordinarily allows for? Well, then I’d want to know where it came from or how it worked.

This leads me to wonder, at what point is “beyond” far enough beyond to stop wondering what else lies… well… beyond?

The truthful answer is, and bear with me on this — only when I approach God, and maybe not even then. (By the way, I use the word “God” because it’s an easy go-to, but feel free to understand this as “source” or “the universe,” or whatever makes the most sense for you.)

Whatever mysterious thing God is, I’d want to be behind the mystery. I’d want to know all God knows, and be empowered like God is empowered. Therefore, next to God still wouldn’t quite be enough and my curiosity would continue. I might only be spiritually satisfied if I were God. Everything else seems sort of less-than.

And then what? What if I were God?

I don’t really know if this question is about me figuring out what God does, or what I’d do if I were God. Or if there’s a difference. Really, all I can do is determine what I would do if I were God, and thanks to years of soul-expanding meditation and inquiry, I know the answer.

I would love. I would be the most beautiful mother I could imagine. The most kind, patient and forgiving person I could imagine. I would help people I don’t know because they need help, not because they’ve proven they’re worthy of help. I’d check in on my own spirit to see what it needs so that it can continue to give the love and kindness and service.

Maybe we never get to be God, but in the end, what difference does it make? My curiosity about beyond the beyond looks an awful lot like a spiritual quest to receive and give love, nurturance, guidance, respect. And create safety for people to grow.

Oh, except that part about being able to heal people with my hands... I still wish I could do that.